Fly American: A "Special" airline.

Until recently, I’ve had the best luck when traveling. My flights always left on time, the rides were pleasant. No complaints, really. But lately, I’ve been having not so good luck on planes. My last trip to Vegas on America West was most disappointing, leaving very late from Boston. Both of my flights to and from San Francisco this past weekend left nearly an hour late. What gives?? It’s not going to stop me from flying, but I just hope the Gods of the air will help a sista out next time!!

Left for SF to visit my sister, Krissy, last Wednesday. Is it just me, or are people REALLY dumb when traveling? Case in point: The self check-in option. This was developed by airlines to make checking in a very quick and easy process. But for some of the people I ran into, you would have thought it was like having to solve one of the proofs on the chalkboard in the movie "Good Will Hunting" (like that obscure reference, Krissy?).

We’re all in line and people weren’t moving to the next available machine. Just standing there. I hate being the one to tell people what to do, but I felt compelled to make the line move so I mentioned to the guy in front of me—who was staring off into space, apparently—that there were two machines available. "Huh?", he replied. "Are you trying to check in? Because there’s some machines available." "Oh, thanks," he said. So with that, we both proceed to the open machines, which were fortunately right next to each other (picking up my sarcasm?). I quickly slide my credit card and seconds later, almost have my boarding pass in hand when I hear, "E-ticket number? I don’t have my E-ticket number!" Of course, it was the genius next to me. "Just slide your credit card," I said in an annoyed tone. "Oh," he once again wisely replied. By the time he’d gotten his card out of his wallet, I was already gone.

I get to the gate with time to spare only to board it 15 minutes later than expected. They call my group and I’m literally stopped with one foot inside the ramp. It then occurs to me that I must be on a "special" plane. My assumption was confirmed a few minutes later when I finally reached the aisle. There they were, people taking their precious time to load 50 shopping bags into the overhead bins, nonchalantly remove their jackets, fold them up, and lay them atop their bags, then slowly lift the pillow and blanket off their seats and finally sit down…20 minutes later, I sat down. 45 minutes later, we left. Rest of the flight was fine, thank God!!

…The way back, was a different story. Again, we left 45 minutes later than expected because of crappy weather in Boston. Why when we are 5 1/2 hours away from Boston do we have to wait 45 minutes in SF is beyond me. But I guess that’s why I don’t fly planes for a living.

Anyway, the best way to describe this flight is by describing the people sitting within the vicinity of me.
1) The Over-the-top helper guy.
2) The Father and his Idiot 8-year-old son.
3) The Alcoholic.
4) The Adorable baby and her very good Mom.

Over-the-top helper guy was sitting in the row next to me in the middle seat. At first, his willingness to help others makes you think he’s a nice guy. However, after a few minutes you see he’s really overdoing it. He's like that know it all kid in your elementary class that you just couldn't stand. Here’s a few examples:
Nice: Taking the coffee cup from the Mom with the adorable baby while she settled in. Over-the-top: Saying, "here, let me take her" while the Mom tries to sit down. (Yeah, like she’s really going to hand her baby over to a complete stranger. Obviously, she declined).
Nice: Pointing out to me that someone had left the overhead bin above me open. Over-the-top: Telling me I should shut it because of turbulence, then pointing out who left it open. (Wow, thanks dude!! You saved my life!! Three gold stars for you!!).

The Father and his Idiot 8-year-old son were sitting in the two seats next to me (Dad in the middle, Son in the window). As we’re leaving, the Dad tells his son as we’re taxing out of the gate backwards that this is also how we’re flying. The Idiot son believes him. "Dad, we’re going forward, we’re going forward," he says moments after we start making our way to the runway. I rolled my eyes but really want to say, "No shit, captain obvious!" (I guess you see now why I haven’t yet—nor never will—have a child. I don’t find stuff like this cute at all).

Then, when the flight attendants come by with the drink cart and ask what the kid wants. He wants orange soda, which they don’t have. The flight attendant then goes through the entire list and the kid decides he just wants water. Hours later when they do the second beverage service, another attendant asks what the kid wants to drink. He asks, "What do you have?" This lady goes through the entire list—the very same one he heard hours before—and decides he wants orange juice. Did he think he was going to hear orange soda this time? Did he think the flight attendants had some shuttled in mid-air, just for him? God, what an idiot! I'm sure there was more idiotic speak, but I must have missed it thanks to my I-Pod.

The Alcoholic was sitting diagonally across from me, two rows up on the aisle. Didn’t hurt anyone, wasn’t obnoxious at all, but I couldn’t help but notice he was drinking profusely. Waited for the first beverage service to start, but didn’t stop until we landed. Kept getting up to purchase Heineken cans from the flight attendants and complimented them by taking swigs out of a nip of Dewars in between sips. Strange, but nice guy. He did reach up and grab the very good Mom's laptop from the overhead bin without her even asking. I think over the top helper guy was jealous!

Adorable baby and her very good Mom were sitting diagonally across from me, one row up. In short, the baby was interacting with me the entire flight. She was the cutest little thing and was so good on the plane. When she fussed, her Mom would get up, take her to the back of the plane, calm her down and come back with the kid asleep in her arms. I was in awe, literally….still doesn’t make me want to have a kid, though.

Anyway, that’s all on the planes. Sorry I’m a little long-winded, but I had to give you the most accurate description possible in order for you to really get the gist of my experience. Next up: Tales from my Trip, some of which will include, My Karaoke experience, Why the ride to the beach was so fun, Drunken escapades and finding a cab afterwards, and The Rivalry West? Not so much. Stay tuned!!